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Anguish...
Sunday, July 19, 2009

I have been trying to get out of the endless hole... But I dont think I can manage anymore. I might as well just remain stuck in this hole forever and live in the world of darkness. Now, I dun nid anyone to care. I dun nid anyone to bother. I dun nid anyone to console. Just 3 words to ans all these, I am hopeless. I felt as if I had lost most of my frens, of which some are very important and good ones, or I could even say its true.

It isnt the time for me to do all these sort of things. But... I have totally no control over what I am feeling right now. I wish I had, I still want to reach my ultimate goal this year. But can I??? I used to believe I could, I used to have faith in this and I used to have pretty much confidence. I no longer possess them now. All I have now are sadness, unhappiness and grief.

There is no more hope in life. I am just like any blind person now, who could never see the next rainbow or daybreak again. Its night time forever...

Now I oni know someone or something who is constant, who has stood by me through good and bad, who is always there in times of need. That person or thing is Maths... I m not abnormal. Atleast I havent lost my passion for Maths, but it isnt enuff for me to stop feeling the grief. The grief is too much. Too much for someone fragile in the heart like me. I may put on a strong front, but I know everyone's heart is fragile. Anything we say might hurt another badly though meant as a joke; anything we do might inflict a long-term damage on a person mentally though an accident.

I just want to live life as before, but can I ever again, after losing someone or something so important? I m afraid no... Without 'it', there is no more meaning in life...





Its doesnt matter anymore... Its all too late...




its all too late...
i have lost you...
{10:41 PM}




The hopeless life..
Friday, July 17, 2009

I don't know what has got into me. I don't know. I seriously don't know how to describe. Its like something or atleast more than one has been removed from me. Not physically but mentally...
I want to tok to my friends but most of them has left me, except for some. Why?

I see no more hope in this life. There is no more meaning in living. I don't want to face the harsh reality of this world. I would rather believe an illusion, if it could even happen. You guys will never understand what I am feeling now until you truly experience it, which I hope u don't. By that time, you will see a hopeless life. Thats all.

My recent Maths Test got 28/30, which is also the highest in class, but I only felt happy for a moment. A very short moment. In a blink of an eye. This small little puny amount of happiness isnt enough to cover the pain in my heart.

Everyday its going to be the same thing, the same thing over and over again, lasting for an eternity. I have turned into the dark side of life, believing in my negative thoughts and fallen into an endless hole. I cant get out of it. I m just a ruined person, I m just a weakling and a living zombie. There is nothing I can hope for again. I used to dislike people who condemn me, insult me or put me down. But it doesnt matter anymore. I m already a condemned person, condemned to the max. I m already a hurt person, hurt to the max. I m already a hopeless person, beyond hopeless. Go ahead. Go ahead and condemn me, and hurt me, and put me down.

I have lost my everything...
There is no more meaning in this life...





A hopeless life...










its all too late...
i have lost you...
{11:10 PM}




Its Time
Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Its 1st of July and oso the 3rd day of school. Tomorrow, as of today, will be the 4th day. Lately, my class didnt have much homework. But soon, i guess its time the spammage of homework to come. Had not been doin much work lately due to some personal events lately. Anyways, its not that, its just my disability to focus and know what to do at the right time.

So i guess Its Time to stop all these...
Its Time to Concentrate...
Its Time to Start Working Hard...
Its Time to Stop Playing
Its Time for many things...

Well, action speaks louder than words. So talking about all these doesnt count. I will hav to put it into action starting from tomorrow (Thursday, 2/7/2009). I m determined and will strive for what I want at the End of Year. There is not much time to lose... Time is running fast or rather flying...

So I have to stop playing and this and that... I cant fall at this point of time... I had put in many efforts on the first part of this year, so I will make sure I maintain or do even better for the second part of the year... Yes... So I will Strive! And All Of You As Well :)

But as much as I have the need to study,
I wouldnt forget her...


I miss her...








All I ever want to say is "I love you"...




its all too late...
i have lost you...
{10:53 PM}